we have pet lesbian snakes
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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