There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
