where am i from again
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
