if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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