How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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