Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
