DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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