____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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