I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
