we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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