Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
