Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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