I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
