people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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