I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
