Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
