So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
