That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
