Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
