Swine flu. Run for my life!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
