bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
A+ Viking dick
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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