pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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