Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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