I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
