After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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