When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think my moral compass just broke
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
