We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
