yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
