Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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