I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
