i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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