I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
