is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
