clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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