Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
