just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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