my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
