Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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