Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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