I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
