Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is not my ceiling
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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