So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't deserve a penis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
