so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
