I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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