you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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