is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
