I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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