I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
