I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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