Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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