So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
