your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
