Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
