take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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