dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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