Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
